Monday, November 30, 2009


"... and the worst part before it gets any better we are ready for the cliff"

As with everything in my life,
I dont know if this feeling is equaly shared.
I know it shouldnt matter to me,
Yeah its actually meaninless
but still HURTS.

I feel kind of a right,
to demand more relevance.
I know you are all grown up,
that you have your own life
but still hurts to be third.

I dont know if you have notice
how much it hurts to be here
I really doubt that you have been in my place.
Because you have always had me,
i always wanna talk to you when i'm losing my strenght

So it is hard to keep believing
My live is shiny bright
cause it hurts to be third
cause it hurts to be third

"and in the mean time we realize Im better off when i hit the bottom" PRMR

Friday, September 18, 2009

Just thinking...

I am defitely looking for something
Something that may not be looking to be found by me.
I am even starting to think that maybe
its better to get a broken heart
than not getting nothing
It's not that i cant live without love
i mean i cant, i need my family, my friends
but i can live without the couple love

Something i cant live without is the ilusion and the happiness that that kind of love when its emerging gives in your life

i have been wrong so many times
i have got over ilusioned
i have gone so fast
a n d t h e n s o s l o w

i once thought i met the right guy
but then i realized i thought he was the right one for the wrong reasons
i may be tired
but somehow i dont wanna be out of the game
i wanna keep trying
even if it hurts to death

Maybe feeling heart pain is a way to feel alive
to feel stronger when you heal
and to learn to somehow never give up.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I've never been better being this bad

Bruised all over my wings
I cant even move
About to break
About to yell
About to give up

I look back
There's just your shadow
That picture
The sound of your steps

I try to stand up
But i fall again
Still i stay there
I wait
I look away

I close my eyes
I turn my wishes to yell
Into wishes of singing
The most beautiful song ever

And suddenly i notice
Im not on the floor anymore
Im not broken
Even if it looks like
Even if you dont care
I shine brighter than ever

I've never been better being this bad
Feels right to fall
Even if you dont have someone to caught you
Even if it hurts

Even if it hurts
I never gave up
Even if my wings arent completly well again
I am already ready to fly
Even if i could have make it better
I dont regret anything

That picture is still there
There's also only the remember of your shadow
But my world inst going to break down
I'll keep waiting
I'll keep dreaming

You did enough
But i'll do more
Nothing will ever defeat my hope
My streght.
To reach where i want
To shine.


Monday, August 17, 2009

En silencio

A veces parece como si todo fuera de papel
Un espejismo con el que pretendo enganarme a mi misma
Algunas de esas veces me gustaria ser quien creo la ilusion
o mejor dicho quien oculto la cruda verdad
Para que no duela tanto
Para que no se vea tan tragico
Para que las personas no tengan de que hablar
O para torturarme un poco mas

Otras de esas veces quiero que sea de verdad
Todo depende de como este el clima.
No puedo tapar el sol con un dedo
y es por eso que a veces me quema tanto
Que el llanto es incontenible
Y no queda de otra que huir a buscar una sombra
El problema es que a veces me pierdo en ellas
Me pierdo buscando una salida

Oscuridad, luz, realidad o apariencia
Ya ni se que cosa es mejor
Solo quiero un minuto de silencio
Para gritarlo todo
Salir corriendo
Y volver en pedazos
Recogerlos y volverlos a ensamblar
A ver si encajan mejor que la vez anterior
A ver si les encuentro un espacio en donde encajen

A veces es solo como si uno estuviera solo
A pesar de estar rodeado de gente
A veces esto duele
A veces eso quiero
A veces lo detesto
A veces es lo que necesito
Un minuto de silencio
Para gritarlo todo, para que me escuches, para que me entiendas.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The fight

It's a big fight. In wich sometimes i feel like i'm loosing and sometimes it's just like if i rule the world. There is no world to name it, it a mix of fear anxiety and desesperation. Feels as if you arent going to be able to take it, to survive. It hits you, tries to murder you and it beggings with your smile then your faith and finally your heart. It doesnt even gives you a break when inffects you completly, you only have to shake it off when its just attacking, its the only chance you've got to dont be defeated. It's so incredibly tormented. Its a pain nobody deserves to ever experiment, even if its the worst person of the world.

But there's always a good side, isnt it? Even if it seems to dont be a bright side here, there is. And it is that every single minute that nightmare makes you suffer, makes you realize how much happiness means, how great, awesome and wonderful it is. When it ends it may ends with me in some cases, but in others it makes me wake up, realise all i could do if i just decide to and enjoy a lot of what i've got and i didnt realised i had. Feel the sunlight on my face, feel the brezze running through my skin little amazing things that happen being given no importance, but that give us the feeling of being alive.

I dont regret of anything. I dont complain of snow, rain or thunders. Those make me feel alive too and if we see right through them we may see some beauty in them. They make me feel vulnerable, uninvencible, human. I would love to go back in time, but i would live my life just the way i did, the only change would be that i would enjoy twice every single minute. The minutes of pain, laugh,happyness, randomess or whatever. It's all just ... a fight of feelings, where the one who wins is who doesnt give up and enjoys to learn of loosing, falling and scratching as much as of winning and achieving. May sound crazy but who says crazy is a mean way to describe something

... haha.

Friday, July 24, 2009

I wanna live a life from a new perspective

Maybe something already used and seen.
But in some other ways different. In some other different way.
Dont know why.
Dont know how.
Just sometimes dont know.
Then i dont know if im right.
Maybe thats my punishment.
Or not.
I just take the images and leave the thinking.
Somewhere else.
Just take the words and discard the logic of them.
Thoughts in my mind.
Mind in the clouds.
Clouds in my soul.
Doesnt matter
I just wanna do it my way.
Get my own things.
That arent literally things.
I know i might never win.
But i dont really care about that.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


This is one of those times in my life when I kinda get what all this is about. It's not about reaching some place is about enjoying all the way down there. I always tend to label everything and now i understand we arent suppouse to do that. We dont really need to put a name to things or think of a definition to everything. I found out how lucky i am to be where i am for 243295829 time in my life but now it was different, i actually got to feel AWESOMELY lucky like i never did before it was a different feeling, a feeling i dont need to label, a feeling its just that, an awesome feeling. I guess when you get close to the end of something even when that end doesnt belong to you it really touches you and well, after all when it ends its gonna end the lace you had with her, when it ends, it gonna leave an empty space you never saw before, when it ends there wont be a way back. I wonder this was what brought that feeling up in me, thinking i was so far of someone today i felt so close.

I dont know who ever figure out for 1rst time that we never really appreciate what we have until we lose it, buy i am sure he didnt have a nice experience figuring it out. At least we already know it and people around us always remember us that, but we never believe it until it happens or until its close really close to us. I never tought her words would mean this much to me, i never tought her smile would make me so happy, and over all i never ever thought that thinking of letting her go, seeing her light turn off little by little would hit me this hard. I guess i'ts not too late, but it is kinda late. We always think we have all the time of the world but the truth is that every second that passes we are loosing it, time is running out of our hands and sometimes we just let it get lost and don’t make every second of our lifes worth it. Life isnt a game to win, isnt a race, isnt a contest, less a lottery. Its like an adventure where you have to collect memories and whoever who keeps the most, amazing and funny ones is who had the better life. I mean amazing as the excitment of the voice the person uses to tell the story, The enthusiasm she puts on each one makes them delightful, its worth it to listen to her, to get attached to her story and travel some years ago to a different époque, when all was different but not less and even in something more exciting.

Even in ancient times they used to consider old people the ones with more wisdom for their experience. And hell yeah its true. They get to give the best advices, warnings or whatever you wanna call it and even if you aren’t the favorite granddaughter a word of approval or congrats from her worth it all, and a whole night up listening to a bunch of their stories in the dark are invaluable. I just wanna be like them whem i get to be old, thing i hope. I wanna be full of stories to tell. Full of advices to give. Full of love to share and smiles to make. Thank you for giving me a family and contributing in one way or another to my raising, I love you all so much. I am gonna miss you some day, I already miss one of you even when I didn’t got too much time to know him, but i will always remember you all, remember how awesome you guys are, and if it doesn’t happen im gonna make sure your grandgrandchilds wanna have met you. Without you guys i wont even be over here writing this. Thanks for all and more.

Love, S.S.S

- To my abues

Sunday, July 19, 2009

No. You'll never know until you are there.

Those little moments are the ones that full our emptyness.
Little but true moments of joy.
A kind of joy you can only get from having a good time with them.
Doesnt matter the place, or the time, or what you are doing.
The fact is that you are with someone you care about.
You are sharing.
You are feeling.
As meaningless as it seems a random conversation can be determinant.
It can change a desition or can just make your day.
A tiny word of approval.
A little hug of congrats.
Mean much more than it seems.
We all need to come back home once in a while.
And i dont mean home as a physical place.
To be home is to be with the people who trully care about you.
People you would give your life for.
People we sometimes forget.
Forget how much they have helped.
How much they have given us when we most needed it.
And we let ourselfs live blinded by our selfishness, by superficial and empty stuff.
But when we realise how much we need to come back everything is alright again.
They receive us with open hearts.
Lent us their hands to stand up.
Forgive we forgot about them.
And believe me it's the best thing you could ever imagine.
But you''ll never know until you are there.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Alli es donde nos equivocamos

En lo mas profundo del castillo.
Resguardado por el dragon mas cobarde de la historia de la fantasia.
Esta ella siempre esperanzada en que llegara el dia de salir.
Mostrarse tal como es.
Pero nadie se atreve a ir por ella.
Aunque sea tan facil llegar hasta alla.
A nadie parece realmente importarle.
Se distraen en otras cosas que simulan ser mas complejas que estas.
Creen que sacarla de alli no es necesario.
Cuando en realidad es todo lo contrario.
Aquella doncella dentro del castillo pequena, callada es mas de lo parece.
Subestimada por muchos que se niegan a aceptar que aun no la han rescatado
Ella solo espera.
Algun dia notaran que su necesidad
Partiran en busqueda
Y probablemente sera mucho mas dificil encontrarla y liberarla.
Pues a veces actuamos como ese cobarde dragon represor con nuestra propia doncella.
Tenemos Miedo a que ella escape y se muestre y nos muestre como somos
Y que eso no sea lo que los demas esperan
Que idiota.
Y a veces actuamos como el dragon cobarde que teme que los demas brillen mas que nosotros y queremos evitar a toda costa que los castillos ajenos dejen en libertad a sus cautivas.
Aun mas idiota.
Luego sera mas dificil
En algunos casos muy tarde
Nos abremos acostumbrado a esperar el dia en el que por fin seremos nosotros mismos
A solo esperar y jamas actuar.
Nos abremos acostumbrado a vivir como no somos.
A realmente no vivir
A mentir.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

This is all i want.

Happiness is kinda hard to describe you just cant tell what it is... you just can tell what makes you happy and what takes out that happiness.

Its awesomely great when you feel something you lost comes back and comes back better than ever. Just like when you find something you considered and already accepted as lost, when you meet with a friend you thought you would never see ever again and discover the frienship is intact, or when you figure out some hability you had is still in you even tough you thought you already lost it.

Those kind of things make you notice how awesome life is and how great happynes is even when we still cant describe it, even when we still lack of a meaning for it. All we now it means A LOT and that it is our reason to keep living. We stand the struggles, the pain, the falls, the confusion, all for some little moments of happiness. And i guess that is what makes them so freaking special, wanted,wished, hoped.

So today i got one of those little pretty wished moments, when clicked a play button and i figured out what i thought was lost wasnt. Those little happy moments as meaningless as they seem make us realise we are alive and that life is a very nice gift we all got. I guess over all there are always a bunch of this to thank of.

Thank you God :D

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Every moment i lived with you is a moment i treasure

Not many time ago, I learnt the hard way that we never have the right to judge someone. That we never know the completely whole story, because we are not the omnipresent narrator of it. It feels awful to be judged wrong and even worst when the part of the story that the person that judge you doesnt know is completely harmful to you.

I was so ironic to realise that maybe i was judging wrong when i was thinking someone was judging me wrong. Some things arent just the way they seem to be. Sometimes people turns out to be worst and sometimes better than we thought. Not everything that shines is gold but same way, not everything dark is dust.

Vicios circle of judgements i will try not to ever repeat, because they hurt, they frustate, but over all they destroy little by little even the better and stronger friendships. This friendship maybe still soaring, but luckily is still there. Maybe after all some friendships CAN last forever, because when you get to really know someone you keep a piece of the person and both will always have that connection no matter what.

There are so many things we CANT just leave behind and forget, so many times, so many images in our minds. We create our own memories, memories that are not easy just to ignore to leave over there. So many things we will always remember. Dreams. Pics. Secrets. Comments. Laughs. Smiles. Notebooks. Fanfics. Trust. Love.

"Look up the stars are fading And I am still here waiting To see you again Be with you my friendWell, the moon is gone forever I hope you're up there somewhere I'll see you againBe with you my friend Cuz all the roads they lead to where you are And all the street lights shine like they were stars "BLG

Thank you so much! It meant so much to me...


Monday, July 6, 2009

They were just a wet dream for the webzines

Incluso esto se siente absurdo. Estar triste porque no conoci en conjunto a un grupo de personas que jamas conoci. Como sentirlo tanto si nisiquiera se de que me estoy perdiendo? Como es que recuerdo con tanta anoranza dias de su compania, como si en realidad hubieran estado alli?

Es una mezcla de un sentimiento de vacio con confusion. Algo que nunca habia sentido antes, tal y como un dia hace 3 anios. Sentir que me falta, que me falta algo que nunca tuve, que he perdido algo que jamas encontre, que de pronto se acabo una historia a la que nunca le pense el final.

Algo patetico que me importen tanto y que ellos ni sepan que existo. Tantas cosas que ahora se descartan y se iran al baul de los suenos que siempre sera suenos y ya ni tienen esa chance en un millon de dejar de serlo. Se rompe una ventana que jamas se pudo abrir y que probablemente era tan solo un cuadro aparentando ser una ventana.

Fueron un tiempo nuevo y creo que eso es lo que mas me afecta. Sentir como se desvanece el tiempo, un tiempo en el que al parecer vivias hace tan solo unas horas. Darse cuenta de lo efimero que es todo, de como nada puede detener el tiempo. De pronto me doy cuenta que talvez no afecta que ellos bifurquen sus senderos sino que con ello culmine una etapa de mi vida y sienta ahi que algo falta.

Voy a definitivamente extranar los momentos que pase escuchando sus voces, sus creaciones y viendo como pintaban un mundo de un color completamente diferente al real, viendo como ellos estaban en mi mismo mundo, en ese mundo que tanto quise estar. Nada sera igual, como absolutamente todo en la vida y eso es lo que menos me gusta, que termine como todo termina.

"The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end." TAI

"Let go, let go, jump in oh well what you waiting for its alright cause there's beauty in the breakdwon" Frou Frou (is there?)

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Do you know what im seeing?

Im seeing the authors of many of my dreams as completely real, polluted and corrupted human beings, not the heroes anymore, not the ilusion. Cause now i know it may HAVE been an ilusion.

It just made the admiration for their creativity and talent useless, completely stupid and on top of everything FAKE. And turns all so wordly dirty and typical.

Suddenly diamonds do appear to be just like broken glas to me.
should i feed it to the see?


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Is it coincidence or a sign?

FEAR. Is actually the perfect word to describe this feeling, i always tend to be afraid of getting hurt. I ask myself too many questions and with my brain filled of "what if..."s i fuck up my days. Sometimes a word, or a look, or the lack of them mean me the end of something.

Suspection, taking things for granted i hate this... BUT ARE ALREADY A PART OF ME (for desgrace). But what if it is not that way, what if its the other way? There's always the doubt and i think that is the problem.

The biggest conspiration behind me or just something that happened for x reason?

Even if the second its the most probable i'll always find the other side. Call me crazy or whatever, i also feel bad for that or not for that mostly for me, because its kinda pathetic. The pathetic me always fearful of being a fool, of not meaning nothing to the people i do wanna mean something...

-To the pathetic side of me

Monday, June 22, 2009


Flashes. High hills. Red lipstick on my lips. Walking on the red carpet. Perfect hairdo. Perfect Smile. Even a little original own touch on my style. It couldn’t be better.

I can almost taste it, smell the expensive perfume of my movie friends, enjoy and laugh to the nasty words the guys may say, see how we smile to the camera and make some faces. It's all so far but so near when i close my eyes. I couldn’t be more perfect. I turn around and the crowd follows me, they want me to sign them some things and on stage they yell for more as i shake my head, jump, dance with all my strength and give it all. Life couldn’t me more perfect. Then while i sing out loud i open my eyes and find me at home alone only my pet around.

He may be by now my number one fan but i don’t give a shit i love to dream, to sign along in the shower, in my bedroom, anytime, anywhere, even at college no matter what they say. I love to dance around, to move my hips, jump and wave my arms, around my bed, around the whole house doesn’t matter where i am. I love to write, to write this it all and fly away from where i come. I really don’t care if its all fake, i know i can catch it all one day. Till that day i already have it all great people around who love me and i love. It couldn’t be more perfect.

I know... i am a weirdo! and it couldn’t be more perfect! :D

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Si algun dia nos cruzamos no respondas ni hagas caso a los subtitulos que bajo mi sonrisa sabes ver

De pronto estoy en la tierra mas desconocida que alguna vez pude estar donde se habla un lenguaje que no puedo descifrar, que me suena a pesadilla, a ruido, a un burdo zumbido interminable que me deja pensar menos aun. Atontada, confundida, tambaleando trato de caminar sin tropezar y de ver a travez de la niebla que es tan espesa que la siento sobre mi piel.

Y tengo miedo de que suene la misma cancion de postludio y le de fin a la luz sobreviviente que aun brilla en mi y a veces quema, lastima, duele. No quiero detenerme, porque se que todo puede terminar aplastandome si no me muevo. Pero me siento tentada de huir, escapar, cuando debo de enfrentarlo todo de una vez.

Enfrentar que? si ni yo entiendo lo que sucedio. No se ni a donde quiero ir o no quiero ir. No comprendo nada aun escarbe mas y mas en mi alma. Tu, como si nada, a pesar de que te haya hecho escuchar el postludio anterior solo quieres tenerme cerca, me quieres contigo, crees que eso es querer, cuando en realidad eso es querer matarme.

No intentes mas. Estoy perdida, confundida y a punto de derrumbar todo lo que intente construir sobre tierra firme por tanto tiempo. El cielo se oscurece, el reloj parece que me va a comer y yo espero simplemente que todo vuelva a tener sentido, que se pudiera retroceder el tiempo, que mis lagrimas solo fueran lagrimas y no pedazos de recuerdos que recorren mi rostro cual trozos de vidrio y sacan pedazos de mi vida.

Dudo coincidir contigo, aunque lo he dudado mucho, aunque a veces me da ganas de volver a actuar en la obra de aquel cuadro colgado en la calle 23. No se nada, sigo perdida y asi me quedare al menos que notes el riesgo que este ahora desconocido mundo corre luego de que me dijeras si era capaz de lanzarme al acantilado junto contigo y saltamos.

Si lo leyeras sabrias que va para ti.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Was i losing mysefl??

Days seem to be passing in a normal speed, not so fast, not so slow. Its like the hurraicane already past, the city is made a mest, but finally rests. I know a worst storm comes, but well until it arrives i guess im gonna take it easy. Like me and my friend S used to say to my best friend M when we were kids : "relax relax relax" we were so silly! hahaha.

But sometimes we dont figure out how full of wisdom child's words are until one day we listen instead of hear them, clearly and slow. After we fall, get hurt and make mistakes and we get to learn something, then we are like i heard that before...

Bah! i dont like growing up, adults think they are too good to listen children. They made a mest of their lifes and worry to much about money. They dont really enjoy the trip lifes offer. They miss part of their soul and call silly to the funny behaviour. They are...cold!

Growing up doesnt include finding weird shapes on coulds, pillow fights, sugar hiperactivity, spreading coke from your nose, getting your new dress dirty, walking in all stars shoes the whole day, staring at night to the stars, losing your time, dreaming awake, being irresponsible, forgetting your homework, be scared, looking under your bed before going to sleep...

That's why i will never accept the fact of growing up. I rather keep it this way, even if i have to stand the coming storm this vulnerable. I dont wanna mix and lose myself in the strom i dont wanna tear in a hundred cold peices and forget me. Forget to forget growing up. Even if things are calm down by now, i miss school and specially my friends.

Today to find them at university was like finding a some monkeys (no ofense) on the sea, two paralel universes joining, i felt i had lost something, i felt nostalgic, i suddenly missed the past, i felt i grew up"

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Maybe if you were really a stranger it wont hurt this much

Just the light of the screen lights my face
as only my fears lights my loneliness
its not fate i know, its just coincidence
im surrounded by a thousand of strangers
still i lack of company

they seem to dont really notice im right here
right here standing infront of a world that seems creepy
polluted, mean...
standing infront of you
hello stranger do you remember me?

forgeting cant replace forgiving im so sure
glasses breaking, big steps, things i always wanted to say
but never did
its too late i know
but still i lack of company

how can you get over something
that turns you furios when it comes to your mind?
this started being a serie of unsensed lines
and ended being about the nightmare
one of the worsts of the nights of storm

its good to remember, to give a look back
once in a while
to dont commit the same mistakes
to step over things that hurted
but still i lack of company

company in those endless nights
when i give those looks back
and i picture you
the stranger
the coincidence but not the fate.

- To my favorite stranger, love you over all g2say...

Monday, June 1, 2009

Gotta Hold On Tight

Like a roller coster it goes down when you less expect it

this is taking me all down and leaving me half death half alive...

its not fair i deserve a break!

Want to breathe

want to live

want to breakout and go somewhere i can dream

Cafeine its messing up my brain

making me act for inercy not for voluntee

its a nightmare where its about surviving and not about living

so its all blury, all about reaching the place

not about enjoying the way

Wanna get away... just wanna ESCAPE!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

If this is a test im loosing my self...

I'ts all so confusing...

i feel good, excited, dreamy, happy
when i see him, when he sees me
just even thinking of him its enough
and when i bump into him my day is made...
but then comes the frustation:
when i think he may know what's in my head
and even tough he cant be sure
under the most little sign of suspection that he suspects
i feel as if someone passed over me with an x ray machine...
i feel naked, embarrased, exposed
how can he know it? who does he think he is?
what if he's laughing at me cause of this?
and what if he doesnt think of that and im the one thinking to much about it?
ARGGGG!! this even started as a joke... a joke i ended believing...
shit. shit. SHIT. This reminds me of high school

Monday, May 18, 2009

Life after you

Releived. Is just the closest word to describe the way im feeling. Is not that i dont care, but i actually didnt care that much. As the season came and now it's gone, I wont miss this cause we know that another one will come.

I actually cant understand why i tend to be so critical with boys when i start getting all confused, and i realise once again i never got to feel real love. Love love love, everyones wants to be inlove. To be loved. And even though i knew things didnt going to go far this time, i never tought it could be this easy to realised summer lasted longer than we did. This summer was longer than normal, (i blame the global warming) but still... global warmning didnt interfere between us... but my troubled thoughts did. I think in someway it was one of the main reasons why i decided to play another time. Critical situation. Nice moment. Find a way to get attached to to that nice and forget the critical.

i hope someday i can say i know love, i have felt it and i have loved and be loved by someone else. Until then i'll have a one more nice picture of a nice experience.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

An empty chair around the table

i would love to find the exact words, a phrase that could make it up to you, to say what you wanna hear, what you need to hear. And over all, say anything i may say without sounding ridiculous or cliche. I dont wanna say what everyones tells you. I know i cant really even wonder how are you feeling, and i'm pretty sure i couldnt be on your shoes, i just couldnt be able to stand the pain. That pain i can see in your eyes. That pain you arent letting out, but you can calm down or disimulate.

im so sorry, its all i can say. And i know im not the only one who have told you that, so does it really help? to have a buch of pple arount telling you how sorry they feel? i know you feel the support, but nothing will change the fact that he's gone, so thats another reason why im sorry. Im sorry i cant really comfort you, im sorry i cant bring him back to you, that my words wont change the reality and that no one's will.

it would take me years to get over something like this. Streght, faith, optimistism, security, you luckily got all those things and your family couldnt be more blessed to have you now and there, cause you will be a big support for all of them. He'll be there looking after you, taking care of you, giving you advice in someway of another. Pray, God will make him listen. You cant really see it but while your mom is crying hes next to her hugging her, while your brothers cant understand and accept it he's there conforting them, and while you are here trying to offset that pain, that fear to what comes next he's and he'll be always there supporting you.

The room is filled of pain and so is your heart. Your eyes barely can contain the tears, as your head barely cant stop the confused thoughts. No one can really understand. I can be sorry, but cant really find a way to make you stop feeling sad, desesperate and angry at life. Im sorry.

-To a best friend

Monday, May 11, 2009

Down an Out

Best friends forever is what most of friends tell each other when they get to be really close, but it isnt really true, it isnt really forever... its a fallace, of just some cases we generalize and say its that way always. LIE.

Crazy how things can happen in one year, in all the sense of its meaning.

DISSAPOINTMENT. Maybe its not the correct word but its the 1rst one that comes to my mind. I notice this a while ago and everyone told me i was going crazy, i wish i would have cause this weekend i figure out i wasnt. Im sorry it all went this way, but well we both prefer to have our own ways and it will be that way.

...Its serios and im afraid it is... Yesterday we used to share dreams, sing along to the same songs and now we are as close as U.S is to Australia. I saw it coming but i didnt wanna stop it, things are better this way.

I'll miss you, i'll really miss you. Thanks for the memories.

"Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.Weekend warriors and our best friends." The Academy is...

Just hope its not true with all friendships

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Dont wake me up im still dreaming...

The crowd was screaming, fans definetely going crazy. I was standing there in the middle just smiling waiting for the right moment to start singing, the musical prologue ended and my turn arrived i sang with all the strenght and enthusiasm of all my teenage ilusions, banging my head, jumping, while the crowd was enjoying it as much as i was...

The gig ended and after thanking my awesome fans and saying bye i got backstage almost running and found him there waiting for me sitting on a huge white couch, smiling to me almost laughing at my excitment about the familiar situation to him. Of course! he was so used to this and i wasnt!!!
He stood up and i hugged him and gave him a short kiss.

"Maddie you were awesome!" he told me
"Thanks!" i answered

I turned to congrat my band mates.

"Bryan you totally rocked with that guitar solo"
"It's not even the half of what i can do" he said in response
"That's what she said" said Jack funny as always
"You might have meant, that's what HE said" said Seth giggling
"Not funny..."Jack answered kinda mad
"Okay Okay, guys Peter told me he'll be waiting in his pub so lets go?" my beloved famous boyfriend asked.

I was just about to answer with a total and definite YES, when... i woke the fuck up...

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive, now i only waste it dreaming of YOU!

*sigh* i was just walking to the bus stop when i saw a boy kissing a girl... its not something unsual but unusually i stayed staring at then. they werent pple i knew, but still i stared. I realized then that i was missing to be kissed, to get a brand new ilusion.

Weird. since i do have a boyfriend. i guess like in matrymony pple get bored... is that is why pple is unfaithful? im young so we can maybe justify the way i felt with that, but old pple? inmaturity lack of age limits huh?

So i got in the bus listening to Muse's "Plug in Baby" thinkative, confused... im used to my relantionship, to have him there when i need someone to pick me up from somewhere, when i just wanna talk... it could all turn weird if i break up with him, plus maybe i do know im not inlove, but anyways i just picture love to perfect that nothing will ever satisfy my expectatives. Sad, sad situation... since maybe i will life the rest of my life picturing love unreachable by anything of the real world.

I life in my cloud i know and accept that, and hurts like fuck when i fall down to earth once in a while, for real life circunstances. So maybe when time passes by and i never get my happily ever after i will be absolutely dissapointed... But you know? i rather keep dreaming awake than think whatever is enough, that any mediocre reality is enough.

I can live of dreams, live dreaming, live to dream, but never ever live without dreams.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Walking disaster

i always wanted magic shoes, shinny, cute, weird, magical shoes.

...i've wanted to stop walking in life sometimes but cause im scared of the world, the dirty, pollutioned, mean, real world: so if i have to go out and walk over there anyways, i rather do it with my always wished magic shoes....

i just hope this could be truth and our child believes could help us to never let ourselfs down, to never let the witches (bitches) defeat us and to always stand up after falling...

i wish i could go rescue a friend that fell in the main witch claws... i wish he needed to be rescued.. cause im not even sure if he actually made a mistake joining her army or if its what he really wanted... i just dont like that SISterhood of witches... they remind me of high school (and not exactly the part of high school i liked)

You may have got my point... hope u did, if u did well u are in the right blog :]

All that i want

university is consuming me... when it should be just consuming my time... its just that i get too nervous for tests and anxious during the time before them, that i end up messing it up and then i get all dissapointed about myself. its hard for me to focus... so its hard to start studying but anyways i try my best to do it, but still it isnt enough...

i feel like running away from this but its actually the only way to get to the place i want in life so... there's no way out unless i win the lotery or enter to a talent show which i doubt i will be able to win... so i just want this episode to pass (til it comes back the next semester) and be able to hang out with my friends have fun, be random, be young...

There's a reason why this blog was created i just havent thought of it yet...

There's a reason for almost everything, there's a reason why i created this blog, why im writing and well if you are reading this there's also a reason for that, that only you know.

i'll be writing in here about whatever comes to my mind, cause i just love to write and there are and might be more things in the future that i wanna or would need to get out of my chest.

feel free to post anything or comment, i would like that.
and yes the title of this post is related with a song (which i actually like a lot) tittle


"The only thing worst than not knowing is you thinking that I don't know"