Sunday, June 28, 2009

Do you know what im seeing?

Im seeing the authors of many of my dreams as completely real, polluted and corrupted human beings, not the heroes anymore, not the ilusion. Cause now i know it may HAVE been an ilusion.

It just made the admiration for their creativity and talent useless, completely stupid and on top of everything FAKE. And turns all so wordly dirty and typical.

Suddenly diamonds do appear to be just like broken glas to me.
should i feed it to the see?


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Is it coincidence or a sign?

FEAR. Is actually the perfect word to describe this feeling, i always tend to be afraid of getting hurt. I ask myself too many questions and with my brain filled of "what if..."s i fuck up my days. Sometimes a word, or a look, or the lack of them mean me the end of something.

Suspection, taking things for granted i hate this... BUT ARE ALREADY A PART OF ME (for desgrace). But what if it is not that way, what if its the other way? There's always the doubt and i think that is the problem.

The biggest conspiration behind me or just something that happened for x reason?

Even if the second its the most probable i'll always find the other side. Call me crazy or whatever, i also feel bad for that or not for that mostly for me, because its kinda pathetic. The pathetic me always fearful of being a fool, of not meaning nothing to the people i do wanna mean something...

-To the pathetic side of me

Monday, June 22, 2009


Flashes. High hills. Red lipstick on my lips. Walking on the red carpet. Perfect hairdo. Perfect Smile. Even a little original own touch on my style. It couldn’t be better.

I can almost taste it, smell the expensive perfume of my movie friends, enjoy and laugh to the nasty words the guys may say, see how we smile to the camera and make some faces. It's all so far but so near when i close my eyes. I couldn’t be more perfect. I turn around and the crowd follows me, they want me to sign them some things and on stage they yell for more as i shake my head, jump, dance with all my strength and give it all. Life couldn’t me more perfect. Then while i sing out loud i open my eyes and find me at home alone only my pet around.

He may be by now my number one fan but i don’t give a shit i love to dream, to sign along in the shower, in my bedroom, anytime, anywhere, even at college no matter what they say. I love to dance around, to move my hips, jump and wave my arms, around my bed, around the whole house doesn’t matter where i am. I love to write, to write this it all and fly away from where i come. I really don’t care if its all fake, i know i can catch it all one day. Till that day i already have it all great people around who love me and i love. It couldn’t be more perfect.

I know... i am a weirdo! and it couldn’t be more perfect! :D

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Si algun dia nos cruzamos no respondas ni hagas caso a los subtitulos que bajo mi sonrisa sabes ver

De pronto estoy en la tierra mas desconocida que alguna vez pude estar donde se habla un lenguaje que no puedo descifrar, que me suena a pesadilla, a ruido, a un burdo zumbido interminable que me deja pensar menos aun. Atontada, confundida, tambaleando trato de caminar sin tropezar y de ver a travez de la niebla que es tan espesa que la siento sobre mi piel.

Y tengo miedo de que suene la misma cancion de postludio y le de fin a la luz sobreviviente que aun brilla en mi y a veces quema, lastima, duele. No quiero detenerme, porque se que todo puede terminar aplastandome si no me muevo. Pero me siento tentada de huir, escapar, cuando debo de enfrentarlo todo de una vez.

Enfrentar que? si ni yo entiendo lo que sucedio. No se ni a donde quiero ir o no quiero ir. No comprendo nada aun escarbe mas y mas en mi alma. Tu, como si nada, a pesar de que te haya hecho escuchar el postludio anterior solo quieres tenerme cerca, me quieres contigo, crees que eso es querer, cuando en realidad eso es querer matarme.

No intentes mas. Estoy perdida, confundida y a punto de derrumbar todo lo que intente construir sobre tierra firme por tanto tiempo. El cielo se oscurece, el reloj parece que me va a comer y yo espero simplemente que todo vuelva a tener sentido, que se pudiera retroceder el tiempo, que mis lagrimas solo fueran lagrimas y no pedazos de recuerdos que recorren mi rostro cual trozos de vidrio y sacan pedazos de mi vida.

Dudo coincidir contigo, aunque lo he dudado mucho, aunque a veces me da ganas de volver a actuar en la obra de aquel cuadro colgado en la calle 23. No se nada, sigo perdida y asi me quedare al menos que notes el riesgo que este ahora desconocido mundo corre luego de que me dijeras si era capaz de lanzarme al acantilado junto contigo y saltamos.

Si lo leyeras sabrias que va para ti.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Was i losing mysefl??

Days seem to be passing in a normal speed, not so fast, not so slow. Its like the hurraicane already past, the city is made a mest, but finally rests. I know a worst storm comes, but well until it arrives i guess im gonna take it easy. Like me and my friend S used to say to my best friend M when we were kids : "relax relax relax" we were so silly! hahaha.

But sometimes we dont figure out how full of wisdom child's words are until one day we listen instead of hear them, clearly and slow. After we fall, get hurt and make mistakes and we get to learn something, then we are like i heard that before...

Bah! i dont like growing up, adults think they are too good to listen children. They made a mest of their lifes and worry to much about money. They dont really enjoy the trip lifes offer. They miss part of their soul and call silly to the funny behaviour. They are...cold!

Growing up doesnt include finding weird shapes on coulds, pillow fights, sugar hiperactivity, spreading coke from your nose, getting your new dress dirty, walking in all stars shoes the whole day, staring at night to the stars, losing your time, dreaming awake, being irresponsible, forgetting your homework, be scared, looking under your bed before going to sleep...

That's why i will never accept the fact of growing up. I rather keep it this way, even if i have to stand the coming storm this vulnerable. I dont wanna mix and lose myself in the strom i dont wanna tear in a hundred cold peices and forget me. Forget to forget growing up. Even if things are calm down by now, i miss school and specially my friends.

Today to find them at university was like finding a some monkeys (no ofense) on the sea, two paralel universes joining, i felt i had lost something, i felt nostalgic, i suddenly missed the past, i felt i grew up"

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Maybe if you were really a stranger it wont hurt this much

Just the light of the screen lights my face
as only my fears lights my loneliness
its not fate i know, its just coincidence
im surrounded by a thousand of strangers
still i lack of company

they seem to dont really notice im right here
right here standing infront of a world that seems creepy
polluted, mean...
standing infront of you
hello stranger do you remember me?

forgeting cant replace forgiving im so sure
glasses breaking, big steps, things i always wanted to say
but never did
its too late i know
but still i lack of company

how can you get over something
that turns you furios when it comes to your mind?
this started being a serie of unsensed lines
and ended being about the nightmare
one of the worsts of the nights of storm

its good to remember, to give a look back
once in a while
to dont commit the same mistakes
to step over things that hurted
but still i lack of company

company in those endless nights
when i give those looks back
and i picture you
the stranger
the coincidence but not the fate.

- To my favorite stranger, love you over all g2say...

Monday, June 1, 2009

Gotta Hold On Tight

Like a roller coster it goes down when you less expect it

this is taking me all down and leaving me half death half alive...

its not fair i deserve a break!

Want to breathe

want to live

want to breakout and go somewhere i can dream

Cafeine its messing up my brain

making me act for inercy not for voluntee

its a nightmare where its about surviving and not about living

so its all blury, all about reaching the place

not about enjoying the way

Wanna get away... just wanna ESCAPE!!!!!!!!


"The only thing worst than not knowing is you thinking that I don't know"