Winter Town

Today it was different, all felt different. I woke up late. (Okey that's not different, but the rest of my day was or most of it). I didn't run to class as i'm used to, and during my entire college hours got two surprises. There's no better sensation than when you get something you werent expecting, right? I think that sensation was the one that still has the same reaction inside me : A SMILE.

Tests, tests, tests we have to take those our entire life. Maybe even life is a test, who knows? I just don't like the fact that tests look to me like something we HAVE to do to SHOW everyone we are good enough at something. Anyways, doesn't really matter how i feel about them, there will always be enought tests to take, to keep us busy or entertaint, you choose any o f those words, the one you like the most.

I felt changed today, like if i was seeing the same world i see everyday, with other eyes. Even my reflex in the mirror looked different. I just ask myself if this weird mode of me will perdure for more than for a day. Even winter doesn't seem to taste the same. The cold temperature around me doesn't even have the same effect, it even makes me feel kinda comfortable. And again as with lots of things in my life I don't know why, but this time i'm okay with that.

I couldn't stop listening to this today, i guess it went with my mood or just sounded nice enough and pass my very own sound test, (do i have one? maybe haha.):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQlTYlBZpew&feature=related

Felt home there for a second, just a second

Being in your arms doesn't have the same flavor.

Let me go, please.

It doesnt feel like the place it used to be.

I dont belong here anymore.

It's like i'm a piece from another puzzle.

I don't fit between your arms.

You no longer fit in my mind.

Stop painting flowers for me.

They are so pretty that make me wanna keep living in your world.

That world you live in, that one you didn't even made up for me.

That world i don't fit in.

That world that i get in when you embrace me.

Let me go, even if i don't wanna go

Make me go, make me leave.

Make me wake up and live.

Third

"... and the worst part before it gets any better we are ready for the cliff"
















As with everything in my life,
I dont know if this feeling is equaly shared.
I know it shouldnt matter to me,
Yeah its actually meaninless
but still HURTS.

I feel kind of a right,
to demand more relevance.
I know you are all grown up,
that you have your own life
but still hurts to be third.

I dont know if you have notice
how much it hurts to be here
I really doubt that you have been in my place.
Because you have always had me,
i always wanna talk to you when i'm losing my strenght

So it is hard to keep believing
My live is shiny bright
cause it hurts to be third
cause it hurts to be third

"and in the mean time we realize Im better off when i hit the bottom" PRMR

Just thinking...

I am defitely looking for something

Something that may not be looking to be found by me.

I am even starting to think that maybe

its better to get a broken heart

than not getting nothing

It's not that i cant live without love

i mean i cant, i need my family, my friends

but i can live without the couple love

Something i cant live without is the ilusion and the happiness that that kind of love when its emerging gives in your life

i have been wrong so many times

i have got over ilusioned

i have gone so fast

a n d t h e n s o s l o w

i once thought i met the right guy

but then i realized i thought he was the right one for the wrong reasons

i may be tired

but somehow i dont wanna be out of the game

i wanna keep trying

even if it hurts to death

Maybe feeling heart pain is a way to feel alive

to feel stronger when you heal

and to learn to somehow never give up.

I've never been better being this bad

Bruised all over my wings

I cant even move
About to break
About to yell
About to give up

I look back
There's just your shadow
That picture
The sound of your steps
leaving.

I try to stand up
But i fall again
Still i stay there
I wait
I look away

I close my eyes
I turn my wishes to yell
Into wishes of singing
The most beautiful song ever

And suddenly i notice
Im not on the floor anymore
Im not broken
Even if it looks like
Even if you dont care
I shine brighter than ever

I've never been better being this bad
Feels right to fall
Even if you dont have someone to caught you
Even if it hurts

Even if it hurts
I never gave up
Even if my wings arent completly well again
I am already ready to fly
Even if i could have make it better
I dont regret anything

That picture is still there
There's also only the remember of your shadow
But my world inst going to break down
I'll keep waiting
I'll keep dreaming

You did enough
But i'll do more
Nothing will ever defeat my hope
My streght.
To reach where i want
To shine.

...

En silencio

A veces parece como si todo fuera de papel

Un espejismo con el que pretendo enganarme a mi misma

Algunas de esas veces me gustaria ser quien creo la ilusion

o mejor dicho quien oculto la cruda verdad

Para que no duela tanto

Para que no se vea tan tragico

Para que las personas no tengan de que hablar

O para torturarme un poco mas

Otras de esas veces quiero que sea de verdad

Todo depende de como este el clima.

No puedo tapar el sol con un dedo

y es por eso que a veces me quema tanto

Que el llanto es incontenible

Y no queda de otra que huir a buscar una sombra

El problema es que a veces me pierdo en ellas

Me pierdo buscando una salida

Oscuridad, luz, realidad o apariencia

Ya ni se que cosa es mejor

Solo quiero un minuto de silencio

Para gritarlo todo

Salir corriendo

Y volver en pedazos

Recogerlos y volverlos a ensamblar

A ver si encajan mejor que la vez anterior

A ver si les encuentro un espacio en donde encajen

A veces es solo como si uno estuviera solo

Completamente

A pesar de estar rodeado de gente

A veces esto duele

A veces eso quiero

A veces lo detesto

A veces es lo que necesito

Un minuto de silencio

Para gritarlo todo, para que me escuches, para que me entiendas.

...

The fight

It's a big fight. In wich sometimes i feel like i'm loosing and sometimes it's just like if i rule the world. There is no world to name it, it a mix of fear anxiety and desesperation. Feels as if you arent going to be able to take it, to survive. It hits you, tries to murder you and it beggings with your smile then your faith and finally your heart. It doesnt even gives you a break when inffects you completly, you only have to shake it off when its just attacking, its the only chance you've got to dont be defeated. It's so incredibly tormented. Its a pain nobody deserves to ever experiment, even if its the worst person of the world.

But there's always a good side, isnt it? Even if it seems to dont be a bright side here, there is. And it is that every single minute that nightmare makes you suffer, makes you realize how much happiness means, how great, awesome and wonderful it is. When it ends it may ends with me in some cases, but in others it makes me wake up, realise all i could do if i just decide to and enjoy a lot of what i've got and i didnt realised i had. Feel the sunlight on my face, feel the brezze running through my skin little amazing things that happen being given no importance, but that give us the feeling of being alive.

I dont regret of anything. I dont complain of snow, rain or thunders. Those make me feel alive too and if we see right through them we may see some beauty in them. They make me feel vulnerable, uninvencible, human. I would love to go back in time, but i would live my life just the way i did, the only change would be that i would enjoy twice every single minute. The minutes of pain, laugh,happyness, randomess or whatever. It's all just ... a fight of feelings, where the one who wins is who doesnt give up and enjoys to learn of loosing, falling and scratching as much as of winning and achieving. May sound crazy but who says crazy is a mean way to describe something

... haha.